Jess: I don’t believe it. I’ve rubbed my eyes countless times to be sure they are working correctly. MIZU PODS BEAT SLAP CHOP! I am absolutely speechless, which (as my co-workers can tell you) is rare. This can mean only one thing.
There are aliens among us, and they’re voting.
It’s all good, though – this means I can return to my first love Magic Bullet and throw everything I have behind this commercial. Berman, Hazel and the gang are incredibly watchable – I can’t look away, and I think they have everything they need to take Mizu Pods down.
GO TEAM BULLET!
Amy: Wait. What? Were people just voting against my picks to spite me? Is this survey being answered by EVERY EX-BOYFRIEND I’VE EVER HAD?! I’m still befuddled as to how Hawaii Chair lost (I mean: comedy GENIUS) and then Slap Chop? Those are my two favorite infomercials OF. ALL. TIME. And here we are with MIZU PODS? What the? How did that happen?! I’ve got to go Bullet on this because as everyone has stated, it is REALLY watchable. Though, I’m a bit nervous. I mean, Mizu, the dark horse? The underdog? The infomercial commercial that was a wimpy nothing and then got bit by a radioactive spider and is now SuperMercial? It could be. I wouldn’t put it past the sly understated awesomeness that is the Mizu Pods.
For your final consideration –
Magic Bullet:
Mizu Pods:
Which of these commercials deserves to be this year's Infomercial Tournament Champion?
Jess: Well, my bracket is dead. Slap Chop beat Snuggie, the commercial I picked to win the whole tournament, and now, I have no more points to earn. That’s ok, though – now I can tell you how I really feel about things with absolutely no agenda whatsoever.
Regardless of what you know or have heard about Vince, he sells Slap Chop in a way that only he can. He makes you feel like this Slap Chop is going to make your life easier, one slap at a time. I don’t have any trouble believing what he’s selling, and I’d be willing to bet that you don’t either.
That said, Mizu Pods has a pretty compelling commercial itself. It’s a unique item that solves a problem in a way you don’t expect, and it solves that problem in FUN COLORS. Everyone wins with Mizu Pods – you get to keep your plants hydrated and your cut flowers fresh while your kids get to feel like they’re seeing something magic happen right before their eyes.
My mom and best friend Alli voted Mizu Pods, as did enough other people to make me think that it’s worth supporting in this round, but I’d be happy with either outcome.
Sandy: Now, Snuggie not making it to the finals is a surprise I did not see coming. I mean, really – Slap Chop over Snuggie? I am not buying it. But if I am forced to pick a winner between Mizu Pods and Slap Chop and we are in an infomercial challenge then I have to go with Slap Chop.
The Slap Chop commercial has enough character to not only stand on its own, but to have parody after parody created. When it comes down to these two, I’ve got to give it to Vince for being able to create a fan base following that seems to love infomercial products as much as him.
Amy: I love the Slap Chop commercial. I’m with Sandy on this one, Vince is an icon. A crazy, wild icon, but an icon nonetheless. You know I love me some Mizu Pods, but this is NOT about which product I love more. It’s about what COMMERCIAL I love more. Vince is a life-changer. He’s like my own personal guru. Just look at these pearls of wisdom from this commercial!
“You’re gonna be slapping your troubles away!”
“Stop having boring tuna, stop having a boring life.”
“This making you cry? It’s making me cry! Life is hard enough as it is, you don’t want to cry anymore.”
How can you not go with the Slap Chop after that? Changing your life, one slap at a time.
Jess: I’ve been writing about Magic Bullet since day 1, so I was pretty comfortable that it would prevail against Bender Ball. However, Tiddy Bear beat Hawaii Chair, and that’s one win I didn’t expect. I could pull the voting logs (yes, they exist) and see how many times Chris voted, but I choose to believe that it was just a simple matter of people liking the Tiddy Bear commercial more than the Hawaii Chair commercial.
I believe that the story of the Magic Bullet commercial is compelling enough to ensure Tiddy Bear’s defeat this round. I like the ease of the conversation between the “hosts” and the “guests.” Sure, they threw in Berman’s hangover and Hazel’s cigarette with permanent ash, but the other people having breakfast (or is it brunch), like that one guy who looks like Rick from Magnum P.I., are just as important to the story of the commercial as anyone. Lots of infomercials tried to get this format to work for them, but very few did it as well as this one, which is one of the main reasons why I think it beat Flavorwave Turbo back in Round 3. Well, that and I think people will listen to anyone with an accent go on and on about things for hours (Planet Earth, anyone?).
Tiddy Bear doesn’t have a commercial that can go on for 30 minutes. Tiddy Bear barely holds my attention for 2 minutes, and that’s mainly because the whole time I’m thinking, “Did they just say…? What? They said Tiddy Bear, right? I heard that correctly? Tiddy Bear? Tid-dy Bear. Wow.” By the time I’m through with my thought process, the commercial is over.
And this match is over, too, for me – Magic Bullet FTW.
Sandy: Well, first I have to say that I am sad to see that our brackets are coming close to an end. Nevermind that my chances of winning are long gone.
But moving on to one of our final battles, I am still shocked Tiddy Bear has made it so far and I think it sadly has met the end of the line. Magic Bullet is just too much of an icon and too compelling to beat. I mean, is there anyone who hasn’t seen the commercial on some lazy Sunday morning and really started thinking to yourself that yeah, I need one of those. I mean, if I had a magic bullet I would be so healthy and instead of sitting here on the couch I would have already finished my 6 mile run and made my fresh strawberry smoothie and moved on to picking fresh basil from my garden for some homemade pesto later that day.
Clearly I’m sold – Magic Bullet moving on!
Amy: Well, you all know how I feel about this one. I’m so OUTRAGED that the Hawaii Chair lost to the Tiddy Bear. I’m, naturally, taking my rage out on the Tiddy Bear personally. Granted, this is a tough one, because I’m also still holding a grudge on the Bullet because it beat the Obama Chia. Man. I really hold on to stuff, I should see someone about that. None of that changes that I have to rate the Tiddy Bear vs. the Bullet. Personal feelings aside, Jess and Sandy are right…Tiddy Bear just doesn’t stand up to the 30 minute marathon that is the Magic Bullet. I’ve watched the full Magic Bullet commercial on my own…more than once. It’s engaging. It’s inspiring…I’m SURE I can make all those items. And the handy little rings-that-turn-it-into-a-cup thingie so you can make and then, IMMEDIATELY, drink your daiquiri…well, that’s just genius. Daiquiris For The Win! I mean…Bullet! Bullet For The Win!
Jess: Well, well, well Mizu Pods – where did you come from? Seriously, that technology is futuristic, if not…extraterrestrial. Little pods fill with water and slowly release that water in your favorite plants when you’re away or unable to do it yourself? Pure genius.
I fully credit Chris with getting people to take notice of the Mizu Pods when they were up against Fast Brite in round 2, and those pods have made their way here, against Magic Mesh. Adorable Boston terrier pup aside – there’s a lot that works for me with the Magic Mesh commercial. The sparkles, the sounds, the problem shots, and…okay, it’s the dog. How cute is that little guy?
I love Boston terriers, and I vote Magic Mesh.
Sandy: Mizu Pods may be amazing, but I’m with Jess because nothing beats a cute dog for me. The dogs steel my vote for Magic Mesh. I just hope those dogs are smart. If not, they are going to have a rude awakening when Magic Mesh comes down and the glass slider is back in action. I mean they go flying through that Magic Mesh.
Amy: You ever put your hands in a vase of Mizu Pods? It’s *amazing.* Nuff said. Mizu Pods, taking Magic Mesh down.
Chris: We’re at risk here of something bigger than us, something beyond our control at work in the universe being at play, because, for the second time in two matches, I agree with Amy. Well, actually, that’s a lie. I’m picking Mizu Pods, but I don’t agree with her (does that count)? I don’t know who, why, when or *under what circumstances* you’d put your hand in vase of Mizu Pods… unless you were an alien from the planet Remulak and were here visiting your uncle Beldar and it was dinner time, but that’s not the point.
The point is, Mizu Pods water your plants for you and do it in festive colors! Sure Magic Mesh has the cute dog and keeps bugs out, but commercial-wise, I’m sticking with the allegedly fun-to-touch Mizu Pods.
Jess: I don’t see how Vince is going to pull this one off, you guys. His little Britney Spears mic doesn’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy Major Players region when it’s up against an infomercial juggernaut like the Snuggie. You can slap that chop all you want, buddy, but at the end of the day, we all want to be warm and snuggly on the couch with our hands free to read, watch tv, play video games, eat snacks, and – of course – drink hot cocoa.
I suppose you can try to argue with math, but why would you?
Sandy: Exactly, and that’s why I am not going to argue with math. I agree Slap Chop doesn’t have a shot in this one. I am not sure that there will be anything that keeps Snuggie from winning this whole thing. Snuggie has created a sub-culture and was a revival for ASOTV products. Slap Chop was just a revival of an old kitchen product. I’m going with blanket+sleeves+warm fleece.
Amy: Well…I don’t believe in math, so I’m going to go with my gut. And you know what my gut says? SLAP CHOP. That’s right. Upset! Is the Snuggie something I want more, use more, enjoy more than the Slap Chop? Yes. Yes it is. But this isn’t a contest about our favorite products. This is a contest about our favorite commercial. Snuggie may have everything that makes a good infomercial – the exaggerated “OH NO!” – the black and white struggle shot – the happy music/peppy solution…and it is an amazing commercial in that regard. BUT it is not as amazing as Vince, flying around the kitchen – the camera guy can’t even keep up with him – he’s chopping, he’s making America healthy, he’s throwing out some potentially racy sayings, he’s talking REALLY fast and making no sense…and I can’t take my eyes off of him. I’m going Slap Chop…because when it comes down to what this contest is about, this commercial is more entertaining.
Chris: Well there’s a first for everything… because I agree with Amy. Usually she’s pushing celebrities in our face or bragging about her ability to peel eggs with her teeth. Here though? Here she’s simply eschewing what can only be described as questionable math. And hey, if I love anything its the opportunity to argue the validity of a simple inequality statement. Clearly Jess made up this inequality, as there is no mention of whether she is using measure theory or absolute continuity. Because if she *had* done that, she would know that the amount of mirth derived from the Slap Chop commercial is greater than the enjoyment garnered from the Snuggie commercial. Even Hall of Famers lose the pop on their fastball. I’m with Amy on this one (let’s not make a big deal out of it. In fact, I’m going to pretend I never wrote this). Slap Chop it is.
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